December 09, 2008

Pain - a page from my diary

I’m not just a body. I’m a little more than that.

She comes in. I’m delighted. I look at her. She, at me. She looks beautiful, more than she ever did. I’m fascinated, as always. I don’t know what we would do the next moment, the next day. I have vague idea of what I’d do.

She comes close to me. I’m in heaven. She’s my life. She’s my hope. She’s my love. I don’t know when I went closer to her. The time almost stops. My body is hers. And my soul too. I love her. I kiss her. I wonder if she’s God. I become so happy to make us happier. Something gave me a little pain. No pain is unbearable when I can see her happy because of that. She’s my soul-mate. She’s my soul now. Life can’t be more beautiful than this.

She’s reached orgasm. I haven’t, at least not in its normal sense. It’s almost there. I see it coming. I’ve almost got it. And…

And, I’m slapped, and I’m wondering who slapped me and why. I look around for help. She’s there. I ask her for help. I’m beaten again. I ask for help again. I’m beaten again. I don’t resist. I let myself get abused. I don’t protect myself from it. My body is hurt, abused. Why is my heart bleeding? And where’s my soul?

I’m crying, unlike expected. I’m shattered. I’m broken. I’m alone. I can’t find her around. Where’s she? I lose myself too. Where am I?

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