December 09, 2008

Pain - a page from my diary

I’m not just a body. I’m a little more than that.

She comes in. I’m delighted. I look at her. She, at me. She looks beautiful, more than she ever did. I’m fascinated, as always. I don’t know what we would do the next moment, the next day. I have vague idea of what I’d do.

She comes close to me. I’m in heaven. She’s my life. She’s my hope. She’s my love. I don’t know when I went closer to her. The time almost stops. My body is hers. And my soul too. I love her. I kiss her. I wonder if she’s God. I become so happy to make us happier. Something gave me a little pain. No pain is unbearable when I can see her happy because of that. She’s my soul-mate. She’s my soul now. Life can’t be more beautiful than this.

She’s reached orgasm. I haven’t, at least not in its normal sense. It’s almost there. I see it coming. I’ve almost got it. And…

And, I’m slapped, and I’m wondering who slapped me and why. I look around for help. She’s there. I ask her for help. I’m beaten again. I ask for help again. I’m beaten again. I don’t resist. I let myself get abused. I don’t protect myself from it. My body is hurt, abused. Why is my heart bleeding? And where’s my soul?

I’m crying, unlike expected. I’m shattered. I’m broken. I’m alone. I can’t find her around. Where’s she? I lose myself too. Where am I?

July 14, 2008

What do I mean by love?

In a step to discover myself, I was thinking about love and all at odd hours ;-)

Is it a desire for support? Well... not for me.

Why do we, rather I, crave for someone to be there? Well, I'm not 'craving for'

Love, or the lack of it, can drive people crazy. Did the same happen with me? Well, no. Whatever happened was normal, weren't they? (And does it really matter much whether they were normal or not?)

Love... what do I mean by 'love'? Is it a feeling that I happen to experience whenever I make a female friend? :P Of course not :D. Is it the urge of caring for someone? Well, I care for many. But, love for me does mean caring for a person, even in smallest matters.

Love for me is thinking about that someone and smiling. It's in taking her as a source of inspiration. It's in making love with her. It's in watching her smiling. It's in taking utmost care not to make her feel sad.

It's in discovering her. It's in discovering myself.

June 19, 2008

A poem I wrote...

I am posting a poem which I wrote some 10 months back.

I miss you.

I miss you, in it's true sense I miss you
I remember your words on chat "Can I kiss you?"
I wish you also tell me "I miss you"
I wish you sit silently beside me
I wish you say someday "Kiss me"
I miss those moments when we were together
I miss those talks when we were idiots together
I miss your stopping me because you felt shy
I want to be stupid when you are around me
I want, yet, you to believe that it's me
I, on a beautiful day, could tell you I love you
I miss those moments when I heard the same from you
Now, you are far but your memories are with me
They are what make me feel you are still with me
In photo or in dreams, whenever I see you
I get an image of a lovely and beautiful you
Your memories fill my days and nights with joy
Just like a kid has found again his favourite toy
My love-story is small but very beautiful, it's true
Because in it, there is none other than you.